We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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