Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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