last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
