After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
