so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
