A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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