You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
