Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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