I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize