today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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