the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Someone shit on the floor
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
