that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
