I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
