I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize