I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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