Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
