You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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