I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
