I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
