is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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