I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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