"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
