hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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