My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize