Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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