I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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