i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
