Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Apparently you make a good broom.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
