Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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