Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
