You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
