so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
