i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
