OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
