I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
