5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
