Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
