i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
