your parents love me but you hate me
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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