I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
