so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize