my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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