Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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