When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
