after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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