I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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