I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
