the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
