You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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