she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
