Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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