he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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