and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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