Moan for me like Helen Keller
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
