We named our party play list daddy issues
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
