What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
