When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
