Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
