you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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