can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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