I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
