He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
