She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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