my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
