He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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