i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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